I am so happy. It’s 10:30 at night. I’ve finished my productive day. Did yoga. Had a smoothie. Did more maintenance. Applied for jobs. I didn’t leave my apartment except to take the dogs out. And it feels so right. Like this is where I am supposed to be.
I took off my clothes. Got into bed. And as I stared up up at the ceiling fan I started to smile. I smiled so happily that I started to cry. The tears are still wet on my cheeks. I wish I could capture and bottle this feeling. I feel so content in being here. In my own space. Not worrying about anyone else. Except for the dogs of course. This is how I’ve been wanting to live for years. I just didn’t know how badly I needed it. And when I feel down, lonely, anxious, or angry I want to bring back this feeling. Spritz it on me like a perfume made specially for me. I’ve never just kept smiling before. Not for myself. I smiled in enjoyment of people or entertainment. But never from contentment. It’s what I’ve been working for. I knew that getting this place set up meticulously and sentimentally would pay off. It’s perfect. This is my one week anniversary and it’s perfect. I’m so hopeful for my future. I know there will be hardships. But I also know that I’ll be okay. I have a home to come back to. A place that’s just mine. To start and end my day. My home base. I just hope I can keep this feeling going when I wake up in the morning. Wouldn’t that be neat?
I have a feeling that I will be waking up with a smile on my face tomorrow morning. At 8 o’clock, if I manage to get up. And my day will start. I have already mapped it out. Listed what I needed to do when. And blocked the activities out into quadrants. I’m just going with what I’ve learned about myself and letting intuition take over. I’ll welcome advice from others. But I feel confidant I know what will work for me now. This is the place I am meant to be. I can feel it with all my being. There I go again. The waterworks have started up again as I type this. But I can’t help it. I’m just so happy.